i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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