Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
