u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
