you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
