my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
