Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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