soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
