what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
