now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
