Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
