they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
