Heybabeimwearingurpanties
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
