Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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