so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
