so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
