I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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