You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
