My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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