And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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