I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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