Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
