If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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