I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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