i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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