I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
