Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
