Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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