yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
