am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
