literally had 100 drinks last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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