So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
