it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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