My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
