Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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