the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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