i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
