Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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