The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
