i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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