Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
