I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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