i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
