On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
