so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
