I just cut my nipple shaving
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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