porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
