I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
