Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
