I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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