i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
