Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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