Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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