I'm jealous of your bromance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
