So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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