i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
