Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
