And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i used baking grease as lip gloss
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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