i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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