I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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