I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
