he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
