I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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