I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
