just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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