I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
