Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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