God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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