she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
