Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you didnt know i had herpes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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