True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
