before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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