dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
