as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
