Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
