On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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