when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
