You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
