I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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